I'm Back - But Its different now
Yesterday I was back in a football dugout. The last couple of years has been the worst for work in my life since 16. I had been away from football for a couple of years. The 1st full break in 30 years back to back. Football can be incredible for us. In my most difficult times during a 90 minute game I never thought about anything other than the game. A great way to give your brain a rest. But for the first time, I lost enthusiasm, interest, intrinsic drive, it was gone. I was clearly burned out. I recently returned to coaching and I felt it all come flooding back and it put a smile back on my face.
This whole journey began 7 years ago and I will now use this photo as a reminder. It is one of the most embarrassing pictures of myself. Its a tough watch. I'm not proud of it. Looking at the faces of the people around me. The veins in my neck. So there I was giving this much energy to football to try and wring the towel out of performance, putting my health at risk. No one knew the extent of what was going on in my life. I felt like I was watching my career disappear in front of my eyes.
My wife had suddenly fallen critically sick. We never expected the journey that would take us over the coming years. At the height of the problem she didn't eat solid food for 2 years. Our business income dropped off a cliff due to me spending so much time in hospital and the organising of a first team to compete at step 3 was all consuming. We were playing the likes of Hereford United, Bedford Town, Merthyr, Weymouth, Kings Lynn, Slough Town, Kettering, Banbury United and so on, big clubs with healthy budgets and full of excellent players. We had zero budget. playing inexperienced young players in front of big crowds and we took it to the last week only to get relegated instead of our rivals Gosport Borough. We were forced to play 4 games in the last week with a young limping squad and had good results on the Saturday and Tuesday, then faced Gosport on the Thursday which was almost winners takes all. We lasted till the 70th Minute before they scored and scored again to leapfrog us on goal difference. The opposition was full of ex pros with hundreds of pro games experience. This included goal scorers Craig McAllister and Ben Wright.
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| In hospital the morning before driving to Merthyr |
I went onto work in some other roles and after resigning at Dunstable Town I became a first team scout at a pro club. Up until a couple of years ago and after hundreds of games. I decided to take a step back from football and had to become a carer. That situation improved and Louise is now managed well in London albeit with long term regular interventions. But, I can finally start to re-ignite some of my passions and this includes coaching, analysing, player development, planning, preparing for football. In recent weeks I have had all the drive back and was able to enjoy winning and a great dressing room full of character and laughter. The chairman, manager and staff are good people. But I'm in a different place now. I've had to make changes in my private life. I am removing all negativity, stress and anguish where I can.
Our coffee shop Wakey Joes opens next month. Were moving house. Our dog just survived a massive tumour surgery. My son is getting married after finishing his masters. My other son is buying his first house and helping people in his job and doing flying lessons. Louise keeps battling her disease and is writing to help others.
We never give up, I am a resilient person. But I never want to put myself in that position again and this picture is a reminder.
Tony McCool
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